“you know what”?
i looked at him with
words in my eyes
rather than words
on my lips.
i wish there was possibly
any language in this world
for me to convey
what you have done
to this heart;
but you know what?
there isn’t.
the only words i can speak are the words of
my love for you.
i cried in the bathroom the day you
threw my soul away
with your
hurtful words
and i know that sounds
so so simple;
kind of like a bad day.
turning the tap on and crying for
hours
and wiping these tears off
with my sleeves;
and then walking out to
face the world
like a soldier
as if there was absolutely
no war at all.
that day
i realized how much of a home
your body was to my soul
because the four walls around me
began to feel like prison.
the world told me
to let you go
and explore the universe-
because there’s millions
of stars out there
that i could replace with you.
the world told me
i deserved so much more
but i didn’t know how
to tell the world that you
already were so much more.
so much more.
just so much more.
you were more than anything.
i’d use these words and
try to message you about the pain
plastered in my veins
but i’d hit delete
because all you’ve taught me is to
simply delete everything -
like the way you
deleted me from your heart
when at one point i
was all your feelings put together in a human.
i was your happiness,
your joy -
i was all of it.
but now?
i’m your sadness,
your tears,
your heartache.
so i used my bitter words
painted upon my
dehydrated tongue
and began attaching you
to everything that could possibly be beautiful.
i began attaching you
to the moon,
to the stars,
to the roses and violets,
to every beautiful creation of god.
i began attaching you to pretty words and
languages of poetry -
i began to speak
the language of my love to you -
even though you broke me to
bits and pieces.
