Here I am once again sitting up at 5am
Pen in hand I start to write about the way I feel tonight
This cycle is viscous, more like insane.
It's a mess I repeat again and again.
But change doesn't come until bad habits end.
If I can't stop, I can never begin.
But I'll never know because I always run.
Instead of facing problems I act like there's none.
All that does is add more stress to myself.
I have too many issues, my brains not in good health.
These are just feelings I can't seem to shake.
I am a mess and afraid I will break.
"Slow down, take a breath, you are so high-strung."
All the comments I get from just about everyone.
Do they think I can't tell that everything in me changed?
Like I can't see my life has been completely rearranged.
The feelings I have are much darker than before.
Now when I run I can never find a door.
I knew I had issues but I didn't know how deep
Reminders of my craziness cause me to lose so much sleep. So much poison in my body now I wonder why I'm weak
I never dealt with issues I let the drugs do that for me.
My head isn't normal and my thoughts are insane.
I overthink my overthinking then I think about them all again. I just want this to stop, I want to go back to how I was.
Before I ruined my entire life and got addicted to these drugs.
Written by:
©heathernoel
