The cold water chills my bones
Like ghost fingertips tracing my skin
Begging to be noticed
But to ugly to take off this thick hot glued on mask
Fear
water over neck level
And already inhaled deeply in my lungs
I just need to stand up
But I choose to stay and let in blanket me
I choose grey and rain and blades and pain
and I listen to your favorite songs and pretend
the perfect life I wanted is alive and well
when it’s well kept under in the cheapest coffin
and already eaten by termites
I save the sawdust and try to put it together
with still bleeding hands and swollen wrists
I named every tile in this tub
after your favorite things
And pretend it’s home
the one you now live with golden locks and pink starburst lips
it’s warm there
And I am here
cold.
