I seem to be happy but I’m not!
I carry all my yesterday’s hurts and pain, my past loves, my past tragedies from the Wars I fought in.
I want my mind to be clear and happy, yet my past traumas comeback to haunt me, not all the time but many times!
I am cursed hearing bombs going off, running in the mud,
jumping in a Fox hole, as the grenades go off.
In my life I have served my country, in my life I have served in Two Wars.
I made it home alive, well, not all of me, I lost so many friends, I should be grateful, but mostly I’m not.
Living a life after war is dark and scary and lonely.
Your friends don’t understand you, or your behavior sometimes, it’s just one of those “ you should have been there “ moments!
I don’t always talk about it, but my mind always reacts to it!
I gave it a nickname “Brain Cancer “, because you either suffer from it or you have it”.
And I am 69 years old, female, totally disabled, and yet I try to live each day without drowning in my past!
People don’t understand us, because they were never there, friends walk away so often, judging something they know nothing about.
But I thank the Lord for my two dogs and my cat, the only family I have left!!!
And in rare moments they remind me I am loved!
