everyday i go through a tug of war
with the 2 sides of myself.
one side is fighting for self-control,
the other side is fighting to be self-soothed.
the self-soothing one is starting to win.
the self-controlling side of the rope
was hurting my body, taking up
too much of my energy, too much of my time.
i chose self-soorhing since it's supposed
to be a good thing, but as soon as i
gave in and fought with all my strength
to choose self-soothing, it somehow took over,
disguising itself as a hug, wrapping itself around me,
when in reality it was strangling me.
