Loving you is the hardest thing I have ever done
Maybe we were better off just having fun
Thought maybe you were just looking to score
Not that you’d wanna learn “all the Julia lore”
Driving down the road and sipping dry red wine
I never really thought we’d so quickly align -
So close knit, like a twisted vine
You do everything for me and make me feel seen
But that can’t last forever
I love you, baby, but I’m only nineteen
It all really felt too good to be true
I wish I could’ve stopped myself from loving you
You knew I was always bound to see the other side
You make me feel like I’ve found heaven
A shy minute later you send me to hell
Why did you make me feel so special in the tiny room of that hotel?
Because when the night trickles in, I see another side
A dark, angry man who could care less if I died
All he craves to tell me is that I love to lie
Go heal yourself baby
Why don’t you go get high?
So soon morning comes when you kiss
me all over
You pretend nothing ever happened
Come on love, come closer
I wish it was night again, at least then, I wasn’t sober
Should I believe you?
Nothing makes sense, a part of me screamed - telling me to leave you
Night falls again and the cycle repeats
I love you. I love you. I love you, as you twist me within your sheets
You can never say it back, those intimate words I speak so true
Maybe one day you will, but for now - there’s not one of you, but two
You place your hands on me, so soft and so pure
How could I ever hate you when you make me feel so secure?
I allow you to touch me because in the moment it feels right
But I wait because soon you will scream at me,
Making make me feel small
“Please, baby, let me hold you, just for the night”
But your tone
Your words
Your belittled view of me
It makes me question if I’m worth anything at all
But so soon after, you apologize, saying you can’t control your thoughts
How could I ever fall asleep not doubting what you say is false?
Hours pass by and I lay my head down at the rise of the sun
I know one thing
I’m not going anywhere
In my delusional brain, you’ll change your mind
Maybe not tomorrow night
But one day you will find yourself to love me in kind
I don’t deserve to feel this pain
And I know you don’t either, but it’s hard my love -
The fear of the unknown
The high of loving someone while feeling so alone
