I wish I was vengeful it’s surprising how badly you can be hurt and how long it lasts and yet you hold yourself back from inflicting the same pain onto someone else. Temptations are there but it feels unnatural and yet something inside me is clawing at my head & heart to give into my fear and rage from those who have cut deep and let me bleed to oblivion. My hands turn into fists and my jaw clenched. I panic to find sharp objects, the most cutting is my tongue that I at times can not control. My ability to trust others even when its distorted shows that I am like all the fools. I continue to be destroyed by the devastation of lovers. Seeing the good in others has costed seeing the good in me.
