The words that fly out of my mouth
The way my throat hurts
As I scream and shout in pain
As you hit me and yelled
I was only a child
I didn’t know
But you threw me to the wall
And yet it wasn’t my fault
The problem that was caused wasn’t me
It was her…
I just didn’t want to hurt her
I was scared to loose her
She was sleeping so peacefully
She was a child too but younger..
So I took the blame
But you’ll never realize it
Every time and every second I got beat
You came to hug me while apologizing
Telling me it hurts you more
I dont understand how you’re even human.
You have the coldest heart
You have the most disgusting look in your eyes
You thought showing affection after was enough
You still treat me like that doll in your doll house
The animal that you train and beat till they obey you
But when stuff take a twist
You turn the blame to me
It’s all my fault all over again
You always told me that you never wanted me to grow up like you
But you raised me to be like you
You just put me in the worst situations
I don’t go through the same events
But you shut me in a cage like a bird
I’m a bird who’s exhausted and lost its strength
I’ve been trying to escape
Now I’m slowly loosing hope
I just wanna be free
I wanna be happy
I wanna be myself once again
I wanna laugh and smile
I wanna feel like someone special
I wanna know how affectionate feels
I wanna experience all 5 love languages
Im just so tired and stressed
I feel sick
I don’t care about anything anymore
I don’t express myself anymore
I just can’t
I can’t cry
I can’t sleep
I can’t think
What else do I have to prove to you?.
I can take care of myself
I did it once
But when you took your role
You pushed away my work
And took my credit
You wouldn’t have made it this far
If I didn’t take your role
But you expect me to show gratitude
If I ever did, I would never forgive myself
You fucked up my mental health
You pushed me away and you’d run back to me when stuff didn’t work out
You yelled at me even when I was tired or in a bad mood
You fucked up and always took it out on me
I hope you learned how to parent
I observed everything
You just never realized
I hope they observe too
I don’t want them to go through what I did
I hate you so much
I wish you could hear what I have to say
My thoughts
My voice
And my pain
I wish you could suffer and cry like I did every single night
But instead the past is coming back
The same fucking mistakes
You didn’t even fucking learn..
Those words you told me were so cruel
You may had said sorry
But they still and will always affect the way I see myself
The way you made me despise those words
I felt insane
But looks like it was really just you
I can’t look at you the same
You aren’t loving
You aren’t that warm gentle trustworthy person
I cry and call your name
But you never come
I can never open up to you
I just want you back
But I don’t want the experience and pain back
You fucked up my life
You felt good about yourself
I hope your proud
Now I can’t help but hate you even while I call your name
I want my mom back..
I want her hugs and gentle caring voice..
I can’t stand this pain..
