Always conforming to someone else
Doesn't know how to be herself
Spiltting between idolization
And cruel devaluation
She has no sense of identity
How is this borderline personality?
She can't see who she could be
This suffering girl is me
Floating above the bad world
Truth twisted and swirled
Childish fear of rejection
In the mirror I don't see my reflection
I fucking hate you
I fucking love you
Guilt, anger, hurt, and shame
Am I really the one to blame?
Skin burnt to the third degree
Don't you dare touch me
One stroke of a single emotion
Hear my violent explosion
I always have to be right
I always see black and white
Feelings so real, so intense, so deep
Watch the blood on my face seep
Demeaning diction in every statement
Avoiding real and imagined abandonment
Holding myself to an inhuman expectation
Of constantly maintaining perfection
Lacking object consistency
Once you leave you're nothing to me
Feelings slice me to the bone
Terrified of being all alone
What I have done does matter
And I can do so much better
I have a hold of my shattering illness
And I am turning it into glorious wellness
I teach myself the colors of the rainbow
The colors that you already know
I teach myself to use the word "and"
The dialectical thinking you understand
I teach myself to validate me and you
The act you automatically do
I won't always be divided in my mind
I won't always walk on the borderline
Strength is to keep continuing on
Even when it seems like all hope is gone
