I see darkness, no corners to be seen or shapes or objects...
Just pure, skin crawling darkness.
All I hear is my heart thump against the ear deafening silence that envelopes the atmosphere.
I feel wetness on my neck as sweat trickles drop by drop, journeying across my neck hairs to my back.
Worthless, helpless, useless, unneeded, unwanted, shameful, never amount to anything... fear.
Sadness, loneliness, nothing.
Darkness.
A mixture of emotions, anger, doubt, shame, fear!
Fear! Why fear?
I don't want to be alone, but I want to be left alone.
I can't speak.
I can't scream.
I can't smile.
Years pass by and I am still missing a piece.
Nothing can be done about it.
Nothing can be used to fill it.
Forever empty till I become nothing, dust in the ground where I once came. Earth.
Fear!
Fetal position, hours on end. Trying to numb the pain, but it is internal.
Pain so great, breathing is a challenge in itself, convincing myself to stay alive is a task to complete.
I want to live, but I don't know how to survive.
The longer I survive the more likely I live.
I'm stuck.
In an endless cycle of torment and torture of my heart and my soul as I gather ways to fill the hole that shall never be full no matter what substance I use.
I don't want to live...
But I need to survive.
Fear!
That I won't make it.
I am too weak, too dependent, too fragile, too meek.
I'm afraid.
That I will be engulfed in all this. That this is my world for the rest of my life.
